Wednesday, April 01, 2009

This dying blog

As the few readers of this blog may have perhaps observed, this blog is dying, may be slowly but dying nonetheless, much to my dismay. It is not intentional, it was my desire to write about books read and unread, about poems and other vague songs, if not philosophy but attempt to philosophize. However, the material aspects of my life prevent a coherent attempt, the practical ways of life are getting in the way of the 'real' life and the loser is always the mind. It is not possible to live the life of the mind or that of the heart either. The days of medieval travel are over, there is no Ibn Battuta outside of Ibn Battuta, modern travel is a big hassle too. What one is left with are obscure and embarrassing attempts at writing, and I remember my posts on the carnage of Gaza early this year. I think my attempt was obscene but that is the crux, this blog in itself was an attempt to understand through the act of writing what I was reading and seeing around me but the results were getting poor and the will was sporadic and the words were petering out and everything was desultory.

The last so many 'poems' that I have posted here were going only in one direction and I have posted one below too and I think the poems were getting messed up with the rhetoric in my head and I realized quite long ago that I was writing only one poem but occasionally disguising it. I have been reading stoically but have not felt bothered to write about a single book that I have recently read, evidence of both my own malaise and the unmoving nature of what I was reading. Reading 'good' books has made me cynical I thought to myself but I think I was looking only for one kind of writer, say a Genet or a Goytisolo as I could see through the narrative deceptions of almost every one! However, I know this is a phase which will eventually pass, fall like sand from straw sandals, wane and die eventually.

I have got to know the blogs of a few people here and I think some are quite talented and innovative while some are courageous to think of writing. The quality of writing matters to me after the act of writing, for me the act of writing is getting in the way of more serious questions, the sea, the trees, the desert not seen yet, the hearth, the nomad unmet till now. There is shrill music in this world and injustice and no act of writing can change it. This was known to only a few people in the past, I mean those who actually write and lived by a few people some decades ago, like Genet, like Goytisolo, whose anger is tempered by fiction that the gods have bequeathed to them. I will continue to follow the blogs I read regularly and attempt to comment whenever an intelligent comment can be left behind.

I will not obliterate this blog for it reminds me of the few people I have met in this most unreal of places. I do hope that I will return soon to this debased act of writing. I pray that when that time comes, I will be able to actually transpose real memories on to this ethereal page and not construct desires and label them as memories. Till then funeral pyres.

8 comments:

Folded letters said...

Seems like a lot of things are dying lately. Hope you don't quit with your poetry. The words are there.

Anonymous said...

Dear kubla. Leave the blog as it is. Why do you want to obliterate it? I am actually surprised at that use of the word. Strong feelings. You seem to be an ambitious writer ready for stardom. Writers are recognized by their readers and not all readers leave comments. There may be only one who finds succor in your writer. That would be enough triumph for a writer. But it seems that you are reading your blog too! And judging as well. Yes you can take a break and come back but why obliterate??

Roxana said...

hi kubla...
i can't even read the title of this post, it makes me sad... but i understand you so well, i've been myself torn apart so many times about the blog and its inutility. as you know, even closed it for a couple of months...
but you should know that your poems are important to us, the few of us who come here and understand that we feel the same... same emotions and same loss, even refracted in so many differents ways through our different worlds. perhaps these poems have to be written, and you can do it so well... but again, if you feel that it's useless to even utter a sound, i understand that too... i think that despite what we might think or feel, expressing ourselves in that way truly helps, on some level...

do not close the blog. leave it open, write from time to time, even very rarely... i for one will be waiting for you to come back. i think it is important for all of us to try to not get suffocated by the ugliness of the every day life. and creating a little space here and meeting other people who are akin - is a good way to fight that.

Kubla Khan said...

Hi Roxana: Your kind words are enough. i need not repeat what i have said already and what you have written.
i hope this phase too passes away. i rejoice the fact that i have met some 'kindred' souls here, you one of them. i will be reading your and other blogs regularly and comment too. take care and ciao. K.

Folded: many thanks too. let's hope the words will remain.

waseem said...

dear kubla,i just want to reiterate what was earlier posted in one of the comments,that"Writers are recognized by their readers and not all readers leave comments. There may be only one who finds succor in your writer"
so i am sure there will be many a minds empathising wiyh your writings. so hold on and dont quit

Ganirivi said...

You ARE Lord Chandos!
Beautifully written :-)

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decayetude said...

Your writing is beautiful: very elegiac. I have quite a similar(but different-its for you to judge)style of elegiac writing in my blog on melancholy, urban deacy and memory(or the elusiveness thereof); ]it all started from the death of a local independent department store. i am influenced by Sebald and benjamin but trying to find my own tone/style. Its decayetude.wordpress.com(in google main search)I have put ur blog in my blogroll. Hope is ok. Comments welcome. Take care Steve