Wednesday, April 01, 2009

This dying blog

As the few readers of this blog may have perhaps observed, this blog is dying, may be slowly but dying nonetheless, much to my dismay. It is not intentional, it was my desire to write about books read and unread, about poems and other vague songs, if not philosophy but attempt to philosophize. However, the material aspects of my life prevent a coherent attempt, the practical ways of life are getting in the way of the 'real' life and the loser is always the mind. It is not possible to live the life of the mind or that of the heart either. The days of medieval travel are over, there is no Ibn Battuta outside of Ibn Battuta, modern travel is a big hassle too. What one is left with are obscure and embarrassing attempts at writing, and I remember my posts on the carnage of Gaza early this year. I think my attempt was obscene but that is the crux, this blog in itself was an attempt to understand through the act of writing what I was reading and seeing around me but the results were getting poor and the will was sporadic and the words were petering out and everything was desultory.

The last so many 'poems' that I have posted here were going only in one direction and I have posted one below too and I think the poems were getting messed up with the rhetoric in my head and I realized quite long ago that I was writing only one poem but occasionally disguising it. I have been reading stoically but have not felt bothered to write about a single book that I have recently read, evidence of both my own malaise and the unmoving nature of what I was reading. Reading 'good' books has made me cynical I thought to myself but I think I was looking only for one kind of writer, say a Genet or a Goytisolo as I could see through the narrative deceptions of almost every one! However, I know this is a phase which will eventually pass, fall like sand from straw sandals, wane and die eventually.

I have got to know the blogs of a few people here and I think some are quite talented and innovative while some are courageous to think of writing. The quality of writing matters to me after the act of writing, for me the act of writing is getting in the way of more serious questions, the sea, the trees, the desert not seen yet, the hearth, the nomad unmet till now. There is shrill music in this world and injustice and no act of writing can change it. This was known to only a few people in the past, I mean those who actually write and lived by a few people some decades ago, like Genet, like Goytisolo, whose anger is tempered by fiction that the gods have bequeathed to them. I will continue to follow the blogs I read regularly and attempt to comment whenever an intelligent comment can be left behind.

I will not obliterate this blog for it reminds me of the few people I have met in this most unreal of places. I do hope that I will return soon to this debased act of writing. I pray that when that time comes, I will be able to actually transpose real memories on to this ethereal page and not construct desires and label them as memories. Till then funeral pyres.

do you not know?

do you not
do you not see
that when the moon glitters
when it shines
when old and new moons shine together
when it is night
when the moon is alone
when at night
in the heart of silence
in the palpable silence of the heart
when old and new moons shine together
at night
with their sorrow their loss
when the moon burns
in its solitary grandeur
with its wasted vanity
when old and new moons shine together
do you not
do you not know
that I remember you all night?